Secret Southern Couture: 10 Things Only Domestic Abuse Victims Understand   

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

10 Things Only Domestic Abuse Victims Understand

When you have been the victim of domestic abuse, there are things you will later realize other people can never understand. Whether you are an abuse victim looking for sincere understanding about your experience, or a friend of a victim seeking knowledge and ways to help, this list is a great tool. Here are 10 Things Only Domestic Abuse Victims Understand. 

While there indeed may be some people outside this realm of pain that can understand, these are more commonly found with those individuals who have been abused or traumatized in some way at the hand of another individual.

10 Things Only Domestic Abuse Victims Understand

You will miss your abuser. No matter how horrible they are and were to you, there will be days and times when you miss them. The fact is, most victims of domestic abuse spend many years with their abuser building a relationship. This fact is found especially significant in victims within the confines of marriage. Don't belittle these feelings, but don't let them cloud your judgment either. Accept them, seek counseling to help you overcome them and let the abuser go. 

Looks really can kill. You know the expression on a face or set of a jaw can lead to bad things for you. Domestic abuse victims will find themselves sitting in fear of non abusers simply because of the way they look or an expression on their face. While the individual may be completely safe, the past can make expressions become more menacing no matter the individual wearing them. 

You will want to go back. There will be times when the act of simply making it through a day will leave you exhausted. In those moments of constantly looking over your shoulder or dealing with the stress outside the abusive relationship, you will want to go back. Fight the urge, and remember the pain. 

You get sick of hearing non victims say they understand. Reality is that each victim has faced a singularly unique to them type of abuse. When those who have never experienced that continually say, “I understand what you are going through”, the victim gets angry. 

It's not as simple as packing a bag and waling out the door. No matter how many times people say, “just leave”, you know it isn't as simple as that. Whether you are financially bound, legally bound through marriage or simply emotionally beaten down, it is never under any circumstances as easy as walking away. 

Noises, smells, TV shows, movies, songs and even locations on a street can bring fear pummeling back fast. All the past memories of abuse can become connected to many things you will face daily. Others may not understand why you no longer like certain foods, music or even types of movies. 

Cliché phrases only make things worse. Saying things like, “you are better off” or even “it will get easier don't make it better or easier. 

Anger comes up out of nowhere for no apparent reason. You can be walking through an aisle in the grocery store on a great and beautiful day and suddenly be hit with anger and frustration out of nowhere. The long term emotional effect of abuse knows now boundaries of time, place or propriety.

You are often angrier and more disappointed in yourself than your abuser. Facing the fact that you actively chose to stay in a situation can bring about self loathing like nothing else you will face. 

You will never truly get over the abuse. With time, counseling and separation from the person or point of abuse, you can find peace. You will heal and overcome various problems as time goes by. Yet the truth is, on many levels you will never truly get over the abuse. Whether it was years of physical and emotional abuse, or a one time rape event, it will stick with you for eternity. Even with years of restoration to your self esteem and emotional health, you will still make decisions with your abuse in the back of your mind. 

With time comes healing, but healing doesn't mean you forget what happened. While victims of domestic abuse can recover and lead wonderful productive lives, there are many aspects of those lives that are going to be more difficult because of the abuse. These 10 things only domestic abuse victims understand are just the tip of the iceberg. Every abusive relationship brings about a different type of pain to recover from and overcome. Next time you think you know what someone is experiencing, take a moment to realize that for victims, it can be far more difficult to overcome than you could ever imagine.